刚才傍晚发生的事情，我只可以说，我内心很痛，我唯一选择，就是哭泣在神的面前。我可以继续选择自怜的，但是我不想再伤害耶稣的心。我也不想让圣灵担忧。也许你说对，过去我真的就像垃圾。曾经我被人称为‘灾难’。我知道如果不回来教会，我也许会更腐败。我选择哭泣在神的面前，因为曾经听说过有位牧师说，凡是为神而流的眼泪，神会珍惜，装起来。我跟人相处也有问题，到处得罪人，你说我失败，我承认。但是，我一直在尽力的改，不断改，靠着神改。感谢神，在我低弱的时候，给我听到这首安慰我的歌 《我从来不曾怀疑过》， 透过这首歌，我知道神他不看我的过去，只是完全接纳我。我不会再松开那曾经抓紧我双手的神。要不是他的恩典，我那会在这里。我仍然处在挣扎中但是减少了，我从不敢来到台前，然后到放下一切，走到台前，因为我知道我的举动能讨天父开心，我只是要逗他开心。我从不敢跳，到我毫无保留的跳跃，只是要使神开心。
诗篇30：11 你已将我的哀哭变为跳舞，将我的麻衣脱去，给我披上喜乐。
我永远不会忘记
主你那丰富恩典
如今我在天父怀中
因为你舍下自己
你不看我的过去
只是完全接纳我
主你爱何等伟大
我的心完全融化
我亲爱救主 我心何等感谢
你单单在意 我这爱你的心
我愿一生 追求跟随我主
谦卑为你 服事着世界
我亲爱救主 我要一生敬拜
在我生命中 你是唯一的爱
毫无保留 我愿献上所有
何等渴慕 能为你而活
耶稣我主
What happen just now, really broke my heart, I can feel the pain. The only solution I chose is to cry in front of GOD. I can choose to self pity, but I don’t want to hurt JESUS’S heart again. I also don’t want to let HOLY SPIRIT worry of me. May be what u said is correct, in the past I was like a garbage, even someone called me ‘disaster’. I know if I don’t come back to church, I might be worst. I chose to cry in front of GOD, is because I heard one of the pastor said, tears only for GOD, and HE will collect and appreciate it. I know previously I have a big trouble in communicate with people, I hurt people around me, u said I failure, I admit. But, I m trying my best to change, never give up, by HIS power. Thank GOD, when I m down, the song said, GOD never look at my past, HE fully accept me. I swear I will never let go the hand which hold me tight before. Without HIS grace, I will not be here. I m still struggling, but lesser, before that I was afraid to walk in front of stage, then I decided to surrender my ego, just walk to front, because I know I will make HEAVENLY FATHER happy, my only purpose is to make HIM happy. I change from not dancing to jumping and praise HIM, just to make GOD happy.
Psalms 30:11 You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy
Standing in awe of Your grace
Setting my feet in Your ways
Entering into Your presence
To behold You face to face
God all heaven and earth
Holding me in Your embrace
Unfailing love that surround me
Oh God I stand amazed
My Jesus, My Lord
You’re the love of my life
Wherever You go
Wanna be by Your side
No longer I but Christ living in me
Serving You for all eternity
My eyes set on You
In this race that I run
No longer my ways
Let Your will be done
Make me a servant
My heart’s ever true
Clinging to the cross
I’ll follow You
I’ll follow You
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